Today we had an ultrasound, and what I saw brought tears to my eyes...in a good way. Today I saw a four chambered heart, beating strong, in our unborn child. It occurred to me that I had never seen that before now.
I can't help but reflect a bit in the difference in the pregnancies. With Blaze's pregnancy, I was ecstatic right until we had the news about his heart at the twenty week ultrasound. I became a fighter, a Mama Bear who must protect her child. It was no longer about me and what I felt, it was all about Blaze's survival and how to get him there. We got pregnant again when Blaze was a little over a year old. We learned that I was in the process of miscarrying at the first ultrasound, where we heard the news, "there's no heartbeat." That seemed especially cruel at the time, considering how hard we had prayed over Blaze's heart. So, with this pregnancy, I've been cautious, even hesitant about it. Guarding my heart and emotions, determined something awful would happen. Just waiting for the bad news that was sure to come. Today, I felt that burden lift.
That's not to say we're in the clear and nothing bad can happen with this pregnancy. We have a lot of factors against us. We know there's no perfect situation. But I let go of that fear and worry today. I was reminded that even if something bad had happened, God would see us through it. He is faithful.
With Blaze we learned that God answers prayer, maybe not in the way we hoped for, but He does answer. Blaze is stronger, healthier and taller than we thought he could be. He is physically so amazing, but he has a spiritual strength that is rare with children.
We can't see the steps ahead, and in some ways the path seems kind of foggy, but we're making it one step at a time...and today we celebrated a baby that is forming just as it should. We're so thankful. God is good, and we have been blessed.
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
Monday, February 25, 2013
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Big changes...and a nervous Mommy
It has been awhile since I (Joy) posted and I do want to apologize for that. At first I was distracted by some news...then I had some password issues, but we are back on track.
The big news? Our son will have a baby brother or sister in August. Blaze is thrilled to be a big brother. He wants this with all his little being. He is sure it must be a boy because there's no curly hair on the ultrasound pics. HA!
Quite honestly, I'm struggling with this a bit. Please understand, I am thrilled to be having a baby, this child will be loved and adored and celebrated. I'm nervous, though. We went the beginning of my pregnancy with Blaze just so thrilled and happy. The 20 week ultrasound was devastating. I'm just about 17 weeks and I have an appointment in two days. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. This is one of the most watched babies EVER. I have some high risk factors and because of that I see a nutritionist, an OB/GYN and a maternal fetal medicine doctor every four weeks, at this stage. Our chances of having another child with a heart condition are increased, but only by 1 or 2 percent, which is an odd I like. Everything looks great, thankfully! And yet there's a part of me that wants to add "so far" to that last sentence.
Blaze's life, the miracle God granted us with Blaze, increased our faith and grew us closer as a family, but it was not an easy journey to get there. We not only went through his heart condition challenge, but there were other issues in our personal lives going on...like transmissions (yes, plural)going out.. that made life extra daunting. And that was just one of the challenges. It felt like life was throwing everything it could against us, and again with this pregnancy we've been experiencing a very challenging season of life.
So, I'm asking very humbly, for your prayers. I know with all that is in me that God is in control, He loves us and has a plan to prosper our family, to give us hope and a future, and I'm clinging to that right now.
There's a song that Third Day sings that has helped during this time. The song is, "I need a Miracle" and the chorus goes:
Well no matter who you are
And no matter what you've done
There will come a time
When you can't make it on your own
And in your hour of desperation
Know you're not the only one
Prayin' "Lord above, I need a miracle"
So, dear friends and prayer partners, I always strive to be honest and open with you. So, in the interest of being transparent, I just wanted to share the concerns I have and what's on my heart right now. I'm struggling a bit and would appreciate your prayers. Thank you for continuing to pray and support our family. We are so incredibly blessed to have you in our lives.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
The big news? Our son will have a baby brother or sister in August. Blaze is thrilled to be a big brother. He wants this with all his little being. He is sure it must be a boy because there's no curly hair on the ultrasound pics. HA!
Quite honestly, I'm struggling with this a bit. Please understand, I am thrilled to be having a baby, this child will be loved and adored and celebrated. I'm nervous, though. We went the beginning of my pregnancy with Blaze just so thrilled and happy. The 20 week ultrasound was devastating. I'm just about 17 weeks and I have an appointment in two days. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. This is one of the most watched babies EVER. I have some high risk factors and because of that I see a nutritionist, an OB/GYN and a maternal fetal medicine doctor every four weeks, at this stage. Our chances of having another child with a heart condition are increased, but only by 1 or 2 percent, which is an odd I like. Everything looks great, thankfully! And yet there's a part of me that wants to add "so far" to that last sentence.
Blaze's life, the miracle God granted us with Blaze, increased our faith and grew us closer as a family, but it was not an easy journey to get there. We not only went through his heart condition challenge, but there were other issues in our personal lives going on...like transmissions (yes, plural)going out.. that made life extra daunting. And that was just one of the challenges. It felt like life was throwing everything it could against us, and again with this pregnancy we've been experiencing a very challenging season of life.
So, I'm asking very humbly, for your prayers. I know with all that is in me that God is in control, He loves us and has a plan to prosper our family, to give us hope and a future, and I'm clinging to that right now.
There's a song that Third Day sings that has helped during this time. The song is, "I need a Miracle" and the chorus goes:
Well no matter who you are
And no matter what you've done
There will come a time
When you can't make it on your own
And in your hour of desperation
Know you're not the only one
Prayin' "Lord above, I need a miracle"
So, dear friends and prayer partners, I always strive to be honest and open with you. So, in the interest of being transparent, I just wanted to share the concerns I have and what's on my heart right now. I'm struggling a bit and would appreciate your prayers. Thank you for continuing to pray and support our family. We are so incredibly blessed to have you in our lives.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Better Together
A strange and unusual result happened with Blaze being sick most of last week. I can now play the Avengers game on the X-Box with him. For this mom, who did not grow up playing video games (although her older brother occasionally put her name for the high score on arcades across town), this was quite an accomplishment.
Blaze enjoys playing, but tires on certain parts of it. He can't read yet, so isn't sure sometimes of his mission or what is supposed to happen next. His thumb isn't quick enough to hit the "X" button rapidly enough to get the desired results. That's when I began to help.
This process happened gradually, and with some reluctance on my part. I don't want to learn to play an X-Box game, I have other things to do! But my child's coughing and begging pleas for help, overcame my hesitance.
I must say I've learned a lot. Not just with the game, but by watching Blaze. He's a quick learner, has a bit of an impatient streak (that I can totally relate to, unfortunately) and he's an amazing teacher. If I tell him I don't understand, he demonstrates what to do with the controller, then gives me a chance to try it. He explains it to the best of his ability. I had no idea my son was a natural teacher until this week. He likes to try new ways of doing things, and we've both learned a lot as a result. He does narratives and sincerely likes to show off his skills. "See? That worked! I told you it could work!" is a phrase I just heard. I've always known he was funny, but it comes out in a different way while he's playing the game through various commentaries.
I also learned my little boy is growing up. He's a fast learner and his adapting his skills. He is physically growing taller, but he's maturing, too. I can see the reasoning skills developing, and while it makes me a bit sad and yearn for the baby days, I'm so proud of the kid he's growing into.
His prayers this week have been adapting, as well. He's been thanking God for the little things, like peanuts and thanking Him for being able to crush up the shells to asking God to keep our dog from being lonely while we're gone.
Our relationship has grown. When I'm asked to help out with the game, I realize I can stop what I'm doing for a few minutes to help him out. "Sure, I'll be your partner," I recently responded. "Oh, Mom, you're my best friend" was his answer. I'm going to completely overlook the fact he often switches best friends and just soak it up.
We're learning together. We are both still learning this game and have yet to actually make it past the third level. While we're improving on it, we're "defeated" every time, much to our frustration and disappointment. We lament that fact together. Even in that, it's been funny to watch.
I think this week has been a beautiful insight into our need for others. I am so thankful for our family and friends who have been on this journey with us, those who are there when I call out for help. We are so very grateful for the many times you have come in beside us to uplift and encourage us. Thank you! We are so blessed to have you in our lives. We, as a family, have been growing and learning a lot, we're still struggling in areas. Please continue to pray for our family and the journey we are on together. Again, we say thanks...
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Oh, and if anyone out there wants to give us some tips on how to defeat that level, Blaze and I would love to hear them! : )
Blaze enjoys playing, but tires on certain parts of it. He can't read yet, so isn't sure sometimes of his mission or what is supposed to happen next. His thumb isn't quick enough to hit the "X" button rapidly enough to get the desired results. That's when I began to help.
This process happened gradually, and with some reluctance on my part. I don't want to learn to play an X-Box game, I have other things to do! But my child's coughing and begging pleas for help, overcame my hesitance.
I must say I've learned a lot. Not just with the game, but by watching Blaze. He's a quick learner, has a bit of an impatient streak (that I can totally relate to, unfortunately) and he's an amazing teacher. If I tell him I don't understand, he demonstrates what to do with the controller, then gives me a chance to try it. He explains it to the best of his ability. I had no idea my son was a natural teacher until this week. He likes to try new ways of doing things, and we've both learned a lot as a result. He does narratives and sincerely likes to show off his skills. "See? That worked! I told you it could work!" is a phrase I just heard. I've always known he was funny, but it comes out in a different way while he's playing the game through various commentaries.
I also learned my little boy is growing up. He's a fast learner and his adapting his skills. He is physically growing taller, but he's maturing, too. I can see the reasoning skills developing, and while it makes me a bit sad and yearn for the baby days, I'm so proud of the kid he's growing into.
His prayers this week have been adapting, as well. He's been thanking God for the little things, like peanuts and thanking Him for being able to crush up the shells to asking God to keep our dog from being lonely while we're gone.
Our relationship has grown. When I'm asked to help out with the game, I realize I can stop what I'm doing for a few minutes to help him out. "Sure, I'll be your partner," I recently responded. "Oh, Mom, you're my best friend" was his answer. I'm going to completely overlook the fact he often switches best friends and just soak it up.
We're learning together. We are both still learning this game and have yet to actually make it past the third level. While we're improving on it, we're "defeated" every time, much to our frustration and disappointment. We lament that fact together. Even in that, it's been funny to watch.
I think this week has been a beautiful insight into our need for others. I am so thankful for our family and friends who have been on this journey with us, those who are there when I call out for help. We are so very grateful for the many times you have come in beside us to uplift and encourage us. Thank you! We are so blessed to have you in our lives. We, as a family, have been growing and learning a lot, we're still struggling in areas. Please continue to pray for our family and the journey we are on together. Again, we say thanks...
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Oh, and if anyone out there wants to give us some tips on how to defeat that level, Blaze and I would love to hear them! : )
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Being Thankful in the (Germ) Storm
We are in the midst of a battle against germs. Two separate infections are wreaking havoc on our little guy and we are doing our best to not get them ourselves and to help him overcome them. Have you ever tried to explain to a four year old why he shouldn't throw his beloved stuffed animal (the one he's goobed on all night long) in your face? Or what contagious means? Why even though he does have pink eye and it's itchy, he shouldn't rub his eyes? It's been a little challenging in our household. Sleep has been non-existent or interrupted for three straight nights. It tends to make a momma a little cranky.
However, this is Thanksgiving week, and we have much to be grateful for. Even in such a time as this, we can have gratitude in our hearts.
I'm so grateful for Blaze, even as he's germing up the place...he's here. He's alive. His heart is strong, even with just two chambers. I'm thankful for the toys as I disinfect them, it means he's feeling well enough to play. I'm glad beyond words that he's a good medicine taker now, and that our trip to the ER in the middle of the night had no tears or fussing in it (despite x-rays to check for pneumonia.) I'll also glad I'm thrilled he doesn't have pneumonia.
Tim has a job that he loves and feels called to work. This past week he helped a missionary in Africa connect to his wireless account. Amazing! Tim has been feeling better, too, and that has been such an incredible blessing.
I have a job that I love, and a fantastic group of co-workers. I've never worked in a place so drama-free...at least when I'm in the office, training's always an adventure! I have the opportunity to pour into people whose job is to serve others. I've also been able to write some about Blaze and our journey. The first of those articles was published last week! I'm praying someone finds comfort in our experiences.
We have such a loving and terrific family, amazing friends and church family. We are blessed.
We have so much to be thankful for, beyond Lysol wipes and Puffs! God remains good and faithful, and we will continue to praise Him! In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. I Thessalonians 5:18
However, this is Thanksgiving week, and we have much to be grateful for. Even in such a time as this, we can have gratitude in our hearts.
I'm so grateful for Blaze, even as he's germing up the place...he's here. He's alive. His heart is strong, even with just two chambers. I'm thankful for the toys as I disinfect them, it means he's feeling well enough to play. I'm glad beyond words that he's a good medicine taker now, and that our trip to the ER in the middle of the night had no tears or fussing in it (despite x-rays to check for pneumonia.) I'll also glad I'm thrilled he doesn't have pneumonia.
Tim has a job that he loves and feels called to work. This past week he helped a missionary in Africa connect to his wireless account. Amazing! Tim has been feeling better, too, and that has been such an incredible blessing.
I have a job that I love, and a fantastic group of co-workers. I've never worked in a place so drama-free...at least when I'm in the office, training's always an adventure! I have the opportunity to pour into people whose job is to serve others. I've also been able to write some about Blaze and our journey. The first of those articles was published last week! I'm praying someone finds comfort in our experiences.
We have such a loving and terrific family, amazing friends and church family. We are blessed.
We have so much to be thankful for, beyond Lysol wipes and Puffs! God remains good and faithful, and we will continue to praise Him! In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. I Thessalonians 5:18
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
The Tumble
Blaze has been taking gymnastics lessons through the day care. A bus comes to his preschool and they learn gymnastic moves in the bus. Blaze enjoys the lessons and occasionally demonstrates some moves, but tonight I saw a tumble that took my breath away.
Blaze was walking with his hands in his coat pockets, tripped, and fell (face first) onto the concrete curb, but continued to roll onto the grass and then somehow ended up on his feet. His chin was scraped up, he bled a bit, bruised his face and was in pain. I ached for our boy. He refused a band-aid, he has a fear of them, and even though he takes aspirin, the bleeding was not too bad, thankfully! But despite the fall, he landed on his feet.
I had something similar happen when we were at Children's for his second surgery. I came out of our room with a food tray, turned to shut the door, turned again and took the longest stumble of my life. I had the tray in my hands, at one point the tray touched the ground, but I kept going. I didn't stop until the tray had landed on the correct cart and I was sprawled across the tray. I had to peel some of the trash off of my shirt before I turned around. Somehow I stayed upright. I slowly turned around and was mortified to see a large cardiology team staring at me with their mouths open. One slowly said, "I thought for sure you had bit it." I walked away in total embarrassment. Some quick thinking nurse moved the wheelchair that I had tripped over, before I got back to the room-just in case! I think back on that time and laugh out loud at the memory. What was mortifying before is now a memory that brings a smile.
Life tends to do that to us...there are times when we stumble and fall. How amazing when we can land on our feet and continue on. Proverbs 3:23 "Then you will walk on your way securely, and your foot will not stumble." We all fall down, hopefully we get up, adjust and try again! So thankful that God's mercies are new every morning and He extends grace for the day.
Blaze and his cousin will be participating in an "Olympics" on Saturday. It's not a competition, but a demonstration of what they've been learning. So thankful for my strong, healthy boy, who doesn't let a "little thing" like 1/2 a heart slow him down. Excited to see his accomplishments, and praying he always continues to land on his feet.
Blaze was walking with his hands in his coat pockets, tripped, and fell (face first) onto the concrete curb, but continued to roll onto the grass and then somehow ended up on his feet. His chin was scraped up, he bled a bit, bruised his face and was in pain. I ached for our boy. He refused a band-aid, he has a fear of them, and even though he takes aspirin, the bleeding was not too bad, thankfully! But despite the fall, he landed on his feet.
I had something similar happen when we were at Children's for his second surgery. I came out of our room with a food tray, turned to shut the door, turned again and took the longest stumble of my life. I had the tray in my hands, at one point the tray touched the ground, but I kept going. I didn't stop until the tray had landed on the correct cart and I was sprawled across the tray. I had to peel some of the trash off of my shirt before I turned around. Somehow I stayed upright. I slowly turned around and was mortified to see a large cardiology team staring at me with their mouths open. One slowly said, "I thought for sure you had bit it." I walked away in total embarrassment. Some quick thinking nurse moved the wheelchair that I had tripped over, before I got back to the room-just in case! I think back on that time and laugh out loud at the memory. What was mortifying before is now a memory that brings a smile.
Life tends to do that to us...there are times when we stumble and fall. How amazing when we can land on our feet and continue on. Proverbs 3:23 "Then you will walk on your way securely, and your foot will not stumble." We all fall down, hopefully we get up, adjust and try again! So thankful that God's mercies are new every morning and He extends grace for the day.
Blaze and his cousin will be participating in an "Olympics" on Saturday. It's not a competition, but a demonstration of what they've been learning. So thankful for my strong, healthy boy, who doesn't let a "little thing" like 1/2 a heart slow him down. Excited to see his accomplishments, and praying he always continues to land on his feet.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Cardiology Appointment
There's something about a doctor's appointment that either allows a child to shine...or causes him to be the screaming, melting kid that causes others to gasp. We've been through many phases of this, sometimes even in the same appointment! Our previous cardiology appointment was an amazing example of the latter. Our four-year-old got his weight measured, stood proudly to measure his height, did not hestiate to have his arm "hugged" by the blood pressure cuff (although he hestiated to lay down to do so), but took convincing to have his pulse-ox measured. He eventually cooperated and received a book/cd "treasure" as a reward.
And then it happened. We walked into the examining room and wanted to take his shirt off, he screamed when I lifted it over his head. It wasn't a good sign of things to come. When she wheeled the EKG into the room he became an absolute madman. We stuck the stickers on each other, the technician and I. We demonstrated how the alligator clips clamp onto the tag on the sticker and would absolutely not attach to him directly. She even left and came back a couple of times. And even though he did NOT try to kick her and SPIT on her as he has done to others in the past in his rage, he was an absolute terror...or was he? Was he a terror or was he in terror? That's the thing to all this. As a parent who has been with him his entire life, we've been beside him through surgeries, recoveries, heart caths, a feeding tube, drainage tubes, PICC lines, countless IVs, external heart defibrillators and really awful shots. I couldn't tell if he was just throwing a fit or if he was traumatized by what was going on. It seems so silly that after everything he's gone through that STICKERS would put him over the edge. In all honesty though, the kid HATES bandaids. He will only have a bandaid on his body if he is bleeding quite a bit. He is a strong fighter, just like we always prayed for him to be. But, oh, how I wished he would cooperate. There were bribes, tears (his and almost mine), explanations...we'd prepared him ahead of time for this. He totally refused. We got close once and he screamed, tried to eat his shirt and hid behind me. What do you do at a time like that? I know what I wanted to do. I wanted to force him to have the EKG. My need to know, to absolutely be sure that things were going okay with his heart, overweighed my desire for him to not have the test. The technician and cardiologist made the call. He (again) did not have to have the EKG.
I was so disappointed and discouraged. I'll be the first to admit, I have some issues with doctors and cardiologists. I don't feel comfortable in not knowing how his heart is doing.
Here's what I saw, though. I saw a strong kid, one that was not weak or even had a hint of illness. I saw a child with pink cheeks from his battle, but pink all the same, which is something that wouldn't have happened in the past. I saw a kid who felt good enough to take on the adults around him, and in the end was persuasive enough to get his way. Doesn't sound like a heart baby. He's definitely come a long way, and I am so grateful!
Blaze is not scheduled to have another cardiology appoint with this cardiology unit until April, his last one was this past March. At that time they are hoping he will be mature enough to have an EKG & echo without sedation. I do realize that every cardiologist has their own style of handling things. I like this doctor, he's a good guy. I feel comfortable with him. Our cardiologist in Springfield always had Blaze do an EKG & echo every visit. I wasn't sure if that was because there was always another surgery coming up or since Blaze is done with his planned surgeries if they would be more lax with them. So I asked that cardiology office. If they were still working with us, Blaze would have both tests done every six or nine months.
So...we're seeking another opinion. There is a cardiologist from Cardinal Glennon hospital who comes to our area every month. We've left message with the scheduler and haven't heard back so far. This doctor, though, is one that a friend's child goes to and we feel comfortable with this decision. It's been hard, we've always dealt with Children's Hospital, and in the past year or so we've come to the conclusion that it's okay to switch to CG. There are so many emotions involved with this decision, we'll see what happens with it all. A lot is still in the air for us and for Mr. Blaze's care. We're continuing to trust God's plan for Blaze and believing He has the best in store.
Please continue to pray for us. We are so blessed to have you in our lives!
And then it happened. We walked into the examining room and wanted to take his shirt off, he screamed when I lifted it over his head. It wasn't a good sign of things to come. When she wheeled the EKG into the room he became an absolute madman. We stuck the stickers on each other, the technician and I. We demonstrated how the alligator clips clamp onto the tag on the sticker and would absolutely not attach to him directly. She even left and came back a couple of times. And even though he did NOT try to kick her and SPIT on her as he has done to others in the past in his rage, he was an absolute terror...or was he? Was he a terror or was he in terror? That's the thing to all this. As a parent who has been with him his entire life, we've been beside him through surgeries, recoveries, heart caths, a feeding tube, drainage tubes, PICC lines, countless IVs, external heart defibrillators and really awful shots. I couldn't tell if he was just throwing a fit or if he was traumatized by what was going on. It seems so silly that after everything he's gone through that STICKERS would put him over the edge. In all honesty though, the kid HATES bandaids. He will only have a bandaid on his body if he is bleeding quite a bit. He is a strong fighter, just like we always prayed for him to be. But, oh, how I wished he would cooperate. There were bribes, tears (his and almost mine), explanations...we'd prepared him ahead of time for this. He totally refused. We got close once and he screamed, tried to eat his shirt and hid behind me. What do you do at a time like that? I know what I wanted to do. I wanted to force him to have the EKG. My need to know, to absolutely be sure that things were going okay with his heart, overweighed my desire for him to not have the test. The technician and cardiologist made the call. He (again) did not have to have the EKG.
I was so disappointed and discouraged. I'll be the first to admit, I have some issues with doctors and cardiologists. I don't feel comfortable in not knowing how his heart is doing.
Here's what I saw, though. I saw a strong kid, one that was not weak or even had a hint of illness. I saw a child with pink cheeks from his battle, but pink all the same, which is something that wouldn't have happened in the past. I saw a kid who felt good enough to take on the adults around him, and in the end was persuasive enough to get his way. Doesn't sound like a heart baby. He's definitely come a long way, and I am so grateful!
Blaze is not scheduled to have another cardiology appoint with this cardiology unit until April, his last one was this past March. At that time they are hoping he will be mature enough to have an EKG & echo without sedation. I do realize that every cardiologist has their own style of handling things. I like this doctor, he's a good guy. I feel comfortable with him. Our cardiologist in Springfield always had Blaze do an EKG & echo every visit. I wasn't sure if that was because there was always another surgery coming up or since Blaze is done with his planned surgeries if they would be more lax with them. So I asked that cardiology office. If they were still working with us, Blaze would have both tests done every six or nine months.
So...we're seeking another opinion. There is a cardiologist from Cardinal Glennon hospital who comes to our area every month. We've left message with the scheduler and haven't heard back so far. This doctor, though, is one that a friend's child goes to and we feel comfortable with this decision. It's been hard, we've always dealt with Children's Hospital, and in the past year or so we've come to the conclusion that it's okay to switch to CG. There are so many emotions involved with this decision, we'll see what happens with it all. A lot is still in the air for us and for Mr. Blaze's care. We're continuing to trust God's plan for Blaze and believing He has the best in store.
Please continue to pray for us. We are so blessed to have you in our lives!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Just one more cast...
My dad, Loren Fox, was a bi-vocational pastor who loved to fish. Fishing was his escape from the world, and gave him peace. If it was a Saturday between March 1st and October 31st, there was a good chance we were at Bennett Spring State Park.
As a child I would endure the 100 mile trip there and back. It was easier after I could read, they would just buy a new Archie comic book...a digest, typically...and I would be good to go. I became the queen of "how much farther is it?" and that, too, died off when I figured out certain landmarkers. At the park I was a "Junior Naturalist" at least 5 times. There wasn't a nature trail in the area we hadn't walked, a nature center display that my mom and I hadn't covered or a hatchery fish that went hungry with us around.
There came a point in every trip where I became restless. I would be ready to move on to the next thing or ready to eat or just ready to be home. My mom would send me out to talk to Dad, in order to find out how much longer he would be. The answer was almost always, "one more cast." Dad loved to "roll cast" as he would flyfish for rainbow trout. The only guarantee that Dad would actually stop fishing was when the whistle blew. I can't tell you how many thousands of casts took place after that phrase was said. I'm sure he had the intention of stopping...but it was hard to quit. A lunker might be waiting at that next cast, and when you're in a place you love, doing what you love...well, it's hard to stop.
There are days where I would rather just throw my hands up in the air and say, "enough's enough." I make it a goal to not say "it's just not", but there are times when things seem just so hopeless. Feelings are so deceitful. Faith is what keeps you saying, "Lord, I don't understand what is going on, but I trust you." Just like my dad, who was hopeful that the next cast would reward him with the fish he desired, we have to keep holding on to hope. Don't let the world (or a child) distract you from giving God the attention he deserves. He is faithful. Keep trusting and believing, despite the circumstances you find yourself in. The help you need is waiting there...just one more cast can make all the difference.
As a child I would endure the 100 mile trip there and back. It was easier after I could read, they would just buy a new Archie comic book...a digest, typically...and I would be good to go. I became the queen of "how much farther is it?" and that, too, died off when I figured out certain landmarkers. At the park I was a "Junior Naturalist" at least 5 times. There wasn't a nature trail in the area we hadn't walked, a nature center display that my mom and I hadn't covered or a hatchery fish that went hungry with us around.
There came a point in every trip where I became restless. I would be ready to move on to the next thing or ready to eat or just ready to be home. My mom would send me out to talk to Dad, in order to find out how much longer he would be. The answer was almost always, "one more cast." Dad loved to "roll cast" as he would flyfish for rainbow trout. The only guarantee that Dad would actually stop fishing was when the whistle blew. I can't tell you how many thousands of casts took place after that phrase was said. I'm sure he had the intention of stopping...but it was hard to quit. A lunker might be waiting at that next cast, and when you're in a place you love, doing what you love...well, it's hard to stop.
There are days where I would rather just throw my hands up in the air and say, "enough's enough." I make it a goal to not say "it's just not", but there are times when things seem just so hopeless. Feelings are so deceitful. Faith is what keeps you saying, "Lord, I don't understand what is going on, but I trust you." Just like my dad, who was hopeful that the next cast would reward him with the fish he desired, we have to keep holding on to hope. Don't let the world (or a child) distract you from giving God the attention he deserves. He is faithful. Keep trusting and believing, despite the circumstances you find yourself in. The help you need is waiting there...just one more cast can make all the difference.
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