Today we had an ultrasound, and what I saw brought tears to my eyes...in a good way. Today I saw a four chambered heart, beating strong, in our unborn child. It occurred to me that I had never seen that before now.
I can't help but reflect a bit in the difference in the pregnancies. With Blaze's pregnancy, I was ecstatic right until we had the news about his heart at the twenty week ultrasound. I became a fighter, a Mama Bear who must protect her child. It was no longer about me and what I felt, it was all about Blaze's survival and how to get him there. We got pregnant again when Blaze was a little over a year old. We learned that I was in the process of miscarrying at the first ultrasound, where we heard the news, "there's no heartbeat." That seemed especially cruel at the time, considering how hard we had prayed over Blaze's heart. So, with this pregnancy, I've been cautious, even hesitant about it. Guarding my heart and emotions, determined something awful would happen. Just waiting for the bad news that was sure to come. Today, I felt that burden lift.
That's not to say we're in the clear and nothing bad can happen with this pregnancy. We have a lot of factors against us. We know there's no perfect situation. But I let go of that fear and worry today. I was reminded that even if something bad had happened, God would see us through it. He is faithful.
With Blaze we learned that God answers prayer, maybe not in the way we hoped for, but He does answer. Blaze is stronger, healthier and taller than we thought he could be. He is physically so amazing, but he has a spiritual strength that is rare with children.
We can't see the steps ahead, and in some ways the path seems kind of foggy, but we're making it one step at a time...and today we celebrated a baby that is forming just as it should. We're so thankful. God is good, and we have been blessed.
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
Monday, February 25, 2013
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Big changes...and a nervous Mommy
It has been awhile since I (Joy) posted and I do want to apologize for that. At first I was distracted by some news...then I had some password issues, but we are back on track.
The big news? Our son will have a baby brother or sister in August. Blaze is thrilled to be a big brother. He wants this with all his little being. He is sure it must be a boy because there's no curly hair on the ultrasound pics. HA!
Quite honestly, I'm struggling with this a bit. Please understand, I am thrilled to be having a baby, this child will be loved and adored and celebrated. I'm nervous, though. We went the beginning of my pregnancy with Blaze just so thrilled and happy. The 20 week ultrasound was devastating. I'm just about 17 weeks and I have an appointment in two days. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. This is one of the most watched babies EVER. I have some high risk factors and because of that I see a nutritionist, an OB/GYN and a maternal fetal medicine doctor every four weeks, at this stage. Our chances of having another child with a heart condition are increased, but only by 1 or 2 percent, which is an odd I like. Everything looks great, thankfully! And yet there's a part of me that wants to add "so far" to that last sentence.
Blaze's life, the miracle God granted us with Blaze, increased our faith and grew us closer as a family, but it was not an easy journey to get there. We not only went through his heart condition challenge, but there were other issues in our personal lives going on...like transmissions (yes, plural)going out.. that made life extra daunting. And that was just one of the challenges. It felt like life was throwing everything it could against us, and again with this pregnancy we've been experiencing a very challenging season of life.
So, I'm asking very humbly, for your prayers. I know with all that is in me that God is in control, He loves us and has a plan to prosper our family, to give us hope and a future, and I'm clinging to that right now.
There's a song that Third Day sings that has helped during this time. The song is, "I need a Miracle" and the chorus goes:
Well no matter who you are
And no matter what you've done
There will come a time
When you can't make it on your own
And in your hour of desperation
Know you're not the only one
Prayin' "Lord above, I need a miracle"
So, dear friends and prayer partners, I always strive to be honest and open with you. So, in the interest of being transparent, I just wanted to share the concerns I have and what's on my heart right now. I'm struggling a bit and would appreciate your prayers. Thank you for continuing to pray and support our family. We are so incredibly blessed to have you in our lives.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
The big news? Our son will have a baby brother or sister in August. Blaze is thrilled to be a big brother. He wants this with all his little being. He is sure it must be a boy because there's no curly hair on the ultrasound pics. HA!
Quite honestly, I'm struggling with this a bit. Please understand, I am thrilled to be having a baby, this child will be loved and adored and celebrated. I'm nervous, though. We went the beginning of my pregnancy with Blaze just so thrilled and happy. The 20 week ultrasound was devastating. I'm just about 17 weeks and I have an appointment in two days. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. This is one of the most watched babies EVER. I have some high risk factors and because of that I see a nutritionist, an OB/GYN and a maternal fetal medicine doctor every four weeks, at this stage. Our chances of having another child with a heart condition are increased, but only by 1 or 2 percent, which is an odd I like. Everything looks great, thankfully! And yet there's a part of me that wants to add "so far" to that last sentence.
Blaze's life, the miracle God granted us with Blaze, increased our faith and grew us closer as a family, but it was not an easy journey to get there. We not only went through his heart condition challenge, but there were other issues in our personal lives going on...like transmissions (yes, plural)going out.. that made life extra daunting. And that was just one of the challenges. It felt like life was throwing everything it could against us, and again with this pregnancy we've been experiencing a very challenging season of life.
So, I'm asking very humbly, for your prayers. I know with all that is in me that God is in control, He loves us and has a plan to prosper our family, to give us hope and a future, and I'm clinging to that right now.
There's a song that Third Day sings that has helped during this time. The song is, "I need a Miracle" and the chorus goes:
Well no matter who you are
And no matter what you've done
There will come a time
When you can't make it on your own
And in your hour of desperation
Know you're not the only one
Prayin' "Lord above, I need a miracle"
So, dear friends and prayer partners, I always strive to be honest and open with you. So, in the interest of being transparent, I just wanted to share the concerns I have and what's on my heart right now. I'm struggling a bit and would appreciate your prayers. Thank you for continuing to pray and support our family. We are so incredibly blessed to have you in our lives.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
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