Thankful

Today we had an ultrasound, and what I saw brought tears to my eyes...in a good way. Today I saw a four chambered heart, beating strong, in our unborn child. It occurred to me that I had never seen that before now.

I can't help but reflect a bit in the difference in the pregnancies. With Blaze's pregnancy, I was ecstatic right until we had the news about his heart at the twenty week ultrasound. I became a fighter, a Mama Bear who must protect her child. It was no longer about me and what I felt, it was all about Blaze's survival and how to get him there. We got pregnant again when Blaze was a little over a year old. We learned that I was in the process of miscarrying at the first ultrasound, where we heard the news, "there's no heartbeat." That seemed especially cruel at the time, considering how hard we had prayed over Blaze's heart. So, with this pregnancy, I've been cautious, even hesitant about it. Guarding my heart and emotions, determined something awful would happen. Just waiting for the bad news that was sure to come. Today, I felt that burden lift.

That's not to say we're in the clear and nothing bad can happen with this pregnancy. We have a lot of factors against us. We know there's no perfect situation. But I let go of that fear and worry today. I was reminded that even if something bad had happened, God would see us through it. He is faithful.

With Blaze we learned that God answers prayer, maybe not in the way we hoped for, but He does answer. Blaze is stronger, healthier and taller than we thought he could be. He is physically so amazing, but he has a spiritual strength that is rare with children.

We can't see the steps ahead, and in some ways the path seems kind of foggy, but we're making it one step at a time...and today we celebrated a baby that is forming just as it should. We're so thankful. God is good, and we have been blessed.

For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7