I'm a trainer. It's taken some time to realize how important it is to convey to attendees how much you really want to hear their questions. I've learned to stress that some questions are better asked in private, that I'm available during breaks to listen to their questions and provide feedback. I'm always quick to say that I don't have all the answers, but I can send a quick text and get feedback from our team at the office. And wow, when you ask for questions, you never know what you're going to get!
I've learned for medical appointments to write my list of questions down ahead of time, so I make sure I get them all asked. If I've fogotten something on my list or after mulling over comments made, I no longer hesitate to call the doctor's office. Then call again if they don't get back with me when I think they should.
I've also learned that God's okay with my questions, too. He's not offended if I ask Him for wisdom. He's bigger than any frustration or anxiety I feel. I don't ask, "Why me?" because I know He has a plan and a future for us (Jeremiah 29:11). I also know His ways are higher than my ways. Christine Caine calls that "The Trust Gap." That area between my understanding and His revealing.
I remember sitting up in the gardens at Children's Hospital in St. Louis. Blaze was a newborn, and I had finally reached the point where I thought we were never going to leave. He was going to be in the CICU forever and I would never be home again. That sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? That's how I felt, though, totally stuck in my emotions. Tim was about to leave to go home, in order to go back to work. I sat there beside him on a bench, Blaze a few floors below, at that point unable to keep his heart rhythm regulated. A large family had a little sister in the hospital. The kids and their friends were playing hide and seek around us, hiding in the plants, some actually hiding behind us. It was a beautiful evening, and I just sobbed my way through it. I told Tim I felt incredibly guilty because I wanted a baby so badly, and here he was suffering through his little life. I thought all was over. I had lost my hope. Amazingly enough, we were dismissed from the hospital a short time later. Boy the questions I had then! "Why would they let me take such a small, helpless child home?" was just one of the many! That was a whole new game, a whole new set of questions!
I don't know where you are in your journey, or what you're struggling with, but I do know God is greater. He doesn't always give us the answers we want. We've lost a lot of our little friends along the way that we miss greatly. Even in mourning, even when we don't feel like it, when our emotions are all jumbled, God is good and we can trust in that. He's big enough to take on your questions. He's not irritated by them. What a gift!
I welcome your questions, too. If there's anything I can walk with you or pray with you about, please let me know! I'll be glad to help any way I can.
Joy
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