Surreal

I don't know about you, but I've certainly had moments in my life, where everything just seemed surreal. It was as if I could see me standing there, hands on my head, withdrawing into myself while thinking, "I cannot believe this is happening." That happened to me a lot when I lived in Thailand. (I lived in Bangkok for 2 years after I graduated college.) It would strike at the oddest moments. Once when I was actually having a conversation with a saleslady in a large department store, practicing Thai with my teacher. I kept thinking "I'm actually speaking Thai!" which of course would distract me from the conversation and I had to focus more. Another time when the bus I was in broke down, and I was stranded for awhile, between cities. I was with a group of other Americans, we had one Thai friend with us for the journey. We were, in my mind, in the middle of no where. I kept thinking, "I am stranded in Asia. This cannot be real. I am stranded in Asia!" I also read the headlines of the Bangkok Post one morning and thought, "Hmm...who would have known I would have been impacted by a Malasian Pig crisis?" Surreal.

When Blaze was hooked up to the monitors and at least 14 medications after his first surgery, I was right there with him. I was by his side all the way. I almost passed out when they tried to put in an IV through the top of his head, but I was there. A year or so later I was in Walmart, getting ready to print off some pictures and I accidentally stumbled upon some pictures of the newborn Blaze in the CICU. I almost passed out again. The room whirled around me and I held on to the counter for dear life. That was my child! What he had gone through was just beyond belief. Surreal.

Between medical visits sometimes you get to a point where you almost forget. It almost seems unreal. It is almost "normal." A few minutes during a check up can sure remind you. Blaze's doctor was out of town, so another doctor who worked closely beside our doctor, someone familar with Blaze, was filling in. I thought everything was going fine and at the last minute, we were literally ready to walk out of the door, she decided to get his pulse ox. It was low. Very low in her opinion. Not too "off" of his normal rate at the time. At that point I'm asked questions like, "Are you comfortable having him in your home or would you rather he stay at the hospital?" X-rays were to be ordered, we were taken back into a room, and for a moment, I could see that tunnel again. Surreal. Had to take a breath and explain that it wasn't unusual for him and that we were comfortable with him at home, thank you very much! Surreal.

There are moments that just take your breath away. When you can, remember to breathe again. Like Christine Caine says, "breathe in ... breathe out ... if you could complete that exercise, you are still alive and where there is life there is still hope!" Hold on to hope, even in those surreal moments, God is not surprised. Trust Him to be your strength and be amazed at what He does!